|
Emillapede
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Emily
Interests: Jesus Christ, nature [trees, birds, stars], art, holding hands, photographs, quality music, people, writing letters, books, symmetry..
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
8/5/2004
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| something is wrong with me.
and i'm very scared.
| | |
| "It's okay," they say.
No, it's not, I contend.
Two steps back isn't okay.
"The one step forward is important though," He replies. | | |
| About four months ago I was inspired to stop wearing make-up. No big deal, really. I didn't wear much anyway.
I realized I was wearing it for the wrong reasons. I don't see anything wrong with it--I'm still going to use for various reasons. I feel it wouldn't be my place to directly tell another lady to stop wearing make-up though (unless the Holy Spirit told me to tell them that). Personally, I used it for confidence.. I realized I didn't like that I was using it to enhance my appearance (I don't think that's always a bad thing, though). For me, it was a kind of sanctuary, a comfort thing. I could always apply it to feel better about myself and I was challenged to rethink that. I was inspired to be confident without wearing make-up, to like who I was without it. Maybe in the future I will start wearing make-up daily again, but now it's teaching me about having Christ as the only source of strength/confidence. Make sense?
I understand that using make-up for confidence can be a God-thing too. I can imagine it being a blessing for some! But for me it wasn't. and maybe if I've recognized this for myself, I can challenge others about it. I believe even small things such as make-up can put up a wall between you and Christ. Again, and for now, I don't feel it's my place to tell others to stop wearing it.. that would be judgmental of me, would it not?.. i.e. judging them that they've put up a wall, etc.
This really isn't that big of deal-- I just felt like writing it out.
This ties to what I gave up for lent. I normally wouldn't blurt out what I'm fasting for certain reasons, but I also feel like writing this out and I think it will be okay :)
I gave up straightening my hair, that is completely straightening it. I still use the straight iron to make my hair look presentable. It seems straightening my hair is changing the hair-type I was given. I hear myself complain about my curly hair a lot and this is not good. I should see it as a blessing, I should enjoy it.. just as my mom enjoys it when I leave it curly or when my grandmother would get upset when I'd straighten it. and I think God wants me to enjoy it too. (Do you think that God takes joy in physical appearance/beauty, alongside inward beauty?) I'm not against straightening hair, but I want to first make sure I am thankful for what I've been given (or as many people tell me.. blessed with). I don't want to be straightening my hair for the wrong reasons. I have a few other thoughts and reasons for giving it up for lent too, but that's all I want to say for now.
These physical changes have begun changing certain inward things. | | |
| I've been given a fair of amount of advice and heard quite a few not so subtle hints.
I've said a lot, even too much, but there's a lot I haven't said either.
Even the most encouraging or compassionate or even honest words can't remove the feeling abandonment leaves on one's heart and even head. A very unfriendly scar is left behind when someone you trust, who claims to love and care about you, decides to leave you alone. The reason was understandable; it was the way in which it was handled is what hurts. Confusion, chaos, and uncertainty are against a major part of my heart and desires, and this has created exactly those things.
There was and is more than most see, though (mostly because I am a very private person).
Appearance is not everything.
I've been hurt, but I still love. I don't want to stop. I don't know if I'm suppose to and any advice is not going to reveal the answer. The only thing I know is that Jesus is a good friend and He is faithful. I am in good hands (and so is he).
| | |
| Also, my short term memory has seemed to have gotten up and left, with no notice or explanation.
It's a mystery. | | |
|
